Plane ride to Oregon!

Whew! I was so glad to get off that plane! I havent ridden on a plane since going to visit my sister & brother in law in Japan when i was like 14! We were about 45 minutes to an hour delayed which was such a drag! Once i got on the plane i was fine BUT once we headed towards the run way i was real nervous, when it lifted off of the run way i felt like my stomach dropped on the ground! I thought for sure i was going to throw, but i didnt! :) landing didnt sit well with my stomach either! Haha

Im excited to be here! My plane landed late but my husbands grandma & aunt waited patiently for me! So far ive spent time with his grandma & also his moms family (his mom, step dad sisters niece and nephew) lots of fun :) tomorrow i want to get back into my running routine to keep up with it so i dont gain weight here!

Excited for Oregon!

I head to the airport soon, will sit there for about 6 hours because my friends got to work but is nice enough to drive me 2 hours to the airport! Gotta love good friends! When my husband is gone, i have 1 friend who is always here for me! She is my rock when my husband is gone, and shes not even a military wife but she gets me! Stayed over night in the hospital with me, listens when i need her to & takes me to the airport when no one else will! As long as ive known her, shes always been here for me.

Im so excited to get away from all the family drama, the stress and the hurt! I get 5 weeks to spend with my husbands grandma and family! Will be such a nice vacation! My husbands grandma is the biggest sweetheart! I was real close with my great grandma who passed away a year and a half ago & my husbands grandma reminds me very much of her, i think thats why we get along so well! I also love his grandma because when she was here before he left for deployment, she spent a lot of time with us but also gave us alone time because he was leaving and i really appreciated that so i invited her to come down for his homecoming to see him come back & welcome him home! I love her to pieces! Shes always offering to help us when we need it & is the sweetest person i know! I am so blessed to have cool in laws.. Weve had our moments but deep down, they are awesome people to be around <3

Im going for 5 weeks & shortly after my husband is coming home!! I cant wait for that one :) woot woot! It will be amazing to have him back! My beds been cold & empty for almost 9 months, but im thankful the military gave us 2 weeks r&r! That was very much needed <3

Pumped, positive & proud!

So along with my pcos, which most people in my life dont seem to understand... Comes insulin problems... Which obviously most likely results in people being over weight... My primary dr told me last week that i am "over weight" and needed to lose at least 15lbs. HAH! I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes... I want to know who cam up with their "height & age" chart! Last time i checked... It takes a pretty fit person to run 3.5 miles.

Kind of irritates me that doctors just go off of charts and decide for you what you should way. What an ignorant thought process. Sure, i could lose the love handles and chub on my stomach... But still, i dont "feel" over weight by any means, especially when i bust out running for so long <3

Going to Oregon!

I feel as if everytime someone needs something, they run to me, or everytime someones life falls apart, they need me to help pick up the pieces. Well im tired of it, im done with it & completely over it! No one has helped me in my struggling times when my husband is gone, why should i help anyone else? When i had a cyst that was trying to rupture and was in the hospital, none of my family came, although a good friend of mine never left my side! My husband no doubt would have been here but he was stuck in the sand box.

I am booking a 5 week trip to Oregon to stay with my husbands grandma to get all the negative people out of my life!

Our baby... Born too soon

R&R was fill of many great times, memories and laughs. One of the main focuses our R&R was to try our very first round of fertility treatment. All went well... Before he even left i had a feeling i was pregnant, i just felt different. Well when i was 3 weeks 2 days i got a faint positive.. So i tested the next day and the same so i kept testing and finally at 3 weeks 5 days (calculated from my last period) it was a "pregnant" on the digital test. We were sooo over the moon! I went the very next day to have blood work to confirm and sure enough it was all positive! My doctor told me i am considered high risk & to take it easy, so i did. I went twice a week for blood to make sure hcg was increasing, and it was. At 5 weeks they found that my progesterone was low & put me on meds & told me to continue takin it easy, so i did. My ultra sound was scheduled for April 5, 2012... Which i never thought would be the most horrible day of my life. I woke up that morning, couldn't wait to see it on that screen! Took my phone in with me to take pix of the screen & email it to my husband. My husband is in Afghan and awaited at his computer for im sure, what seemed forever. So after paper work and questions is was time for the ultra sound! As it came up on the screen, my heart dropped, on the floor and felt as if someone had stomped it to a million pieces. I knew it didn't look right... And the look on my doctors face confirmed my thoughts. He said this is not a normal pregnancy... &.... There was no heart beat. It's taken some time for me to be able to talk about what happened that day but i can finally do it! My husband and i were absolutely crushed, to say the least, such a hard time for us. As i was in the room my husband emailed me "hurry up, send a pic!!" and i had to tell him "hold on, they cant find a heart beat". I can not even begin to imagine the pain he felt reading those words, knowing he couldn't physically be here for me, that he physically could not to anything to help me.. It hurts, bad! Especially not having him here to be with me. A few days later is when the miscarriage started, i ended up being hospitalized for a day... I wont go into detail but i will just say that it was the most traumatizing experience of my life & i wouldn't wish that upon anyone. To those of you who have been through a missed miscarriage, you know how i feel. It hurts in such an unexplainable way. If you haven't been through it, count your lucky stars & be thankful for your children! One good thing that came out of this is that we know i can at least get pregnant. It also leaves us with a bigger question then before, can i hold a pregnancy to full term? As many women with PCOS can not. I am so thankful for my husband. Thousands of miles away and he still supports me, is here for me emotionally and loves me more then ever. I feel terrible he could not be by my side but i know he doesn't get to control these things. I ask that everyone be thankful for our men and women who serve thiss country and especially to the ones over seas, they miss out on so much, good & bad, they deserve the thanks! And remember, our husbands serve... So yours dont have to <3

R&R/ PCOS

So my husband has now been gone a little over 6 months to Afghanistan.... He was just recently here for 2 weeks on R&R and we had the time of our lives! From our 1100 mile road trip to Oregon to playing video games and watching TV... it was all smiles =] as it should be! I truly can NOT wait for him to be back!

On a different note, in September i was diagnosed with something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome... also know as PCOS... definitely not something every woman wants hear right? So there is a lot to it but the short story is my hormones are all over the place, cysts on my ovaries like crazy... which causes the most dreaded word a woman can hear "infertility" With that being said... we never used birth control or anything so me not falling pregnant... i knew SOMETHING had to be wrong... oh boy was i right! I went through OBGYN's like you wouldn't believe until i met the best doctor in the world... someone who could give me an answer, that has changed my life, forever. Will i be able to have children? YES! will it be easy? definitely not! so while my husband was here for 2 weeks, i took clomid, definitely ovulated and we are praying to find out in about 10 days if we have a miracle on the way or not. I have finally come to terms with the fact that this will not be easy in any way shape or form. If it happens, i will be more then happy and if not... then i wont give up and when hes back we will continue to try different fertility treatments to get us our miracle!

A week before my husband came, i was in the hospital over night due to a very large cyst on my ovary... the emergency room doctor wanted to possibly remove my ovary... i said nooo way! not till my actual doctor has a look at it, by the time my doctor could get me in it was much larger, i decided to take matters into my own hands and take the fertility meds anyways. =] you never know until you try right? This battle with PCOS in the last 6 months has been a total nightmare. Neither of us expected something this bad, but we keep our faith strong and cross our fingers that some day we will have our own children.

So anyways... thats my vent for now =] fingers crossed i will have good news in about 10 days && i will definitely write about it <3